Because I observe.

My 5mo turned over for the first time today!

It was such a beautiful motion. Diaperless, laying on the floor, on his back, brought his knees up to his chest, threw his arm across his body, and REAAAAACHED for that toy. Like magic, his left leg and hips angled in the same direction, putting him on his side with his right arm strategically placed below his body so that he was able to rock the rest of himself over it and onto his belly, pushing himself up with both hands to see where he ended up. It was so fluid, so natural, that you never would have believed that he was totally unable to do this yesterday. He had most of the pieces of the puzzle figured out, he could turn onto his side yesterday. But today, today is the day he went just a little bit farther.

I want to use this opportunity to talk about how important it is to me to just sit back and watch my kids develop. There are two great benefits.

First, it gives me permission to stop doing everything - put down my phone, stop using the computer, let the dishes and laundry wait - and take 10 or 20 minutes, however long he is happy to be left alone, to do nothing but observe. This also strengthens the bond I have with my child, as I can focus on him and learn new things about him that I may not have noticed if he didn't have my undivided attention. For example, when he does a push up, his right hand stays firmly planted on the ground while he uses his left wrist (or back of his left hand) for support. It looks as awkward as it sounds! Also, he develops trust with me, knowing that I have faith in him to just be, and that I am nearby and will "save" him as soon as he needs help.

Second, it allows my child the opportunity to learn a new skill on his own and develop self confidence.

Sometimes I have to fight the urge to play the horse and carrot game with him. You know what I mean, when you dangle a toy in front of the baby juuuust outside of their reach, then move it slowly to one side or the other, hoping they will continue to reach out for it and unwittingly fall to their side and then, once they grab onto the toy, gently pulling them over onto their tummy. This interactive method seems like I'm helping my child by "teaching" him how to roll over. But movement is not something I need to teach to my son. It is something he will learn to do on his own.

So instead of dangling the toy, I put it on the floor just outside of his arm's reach and let him decide that he wants it, let him figure out how he'll get it, and let him discover how to move his body. That way he does it in his own speed, his own desire, and makes really important connections in his brain about movement and self confidence. Imagine how good he feels when he sees something he wants and is able to get it all by himself!

If I dangle the toy, he might feel frustrated and confused, because just yesterday I handed it right to him. And if I turn him over by pulling the toy he is holding onto, then I am moving his body for him, and he doesn't have the opportunity to make the important brain connections about how to move his body on his own.

There is a book called Baby Moves that talks about the importance of letting babies figure out gross motor skills on their own, and explains how they go through each step, the importance of the unseen in-between movements and milestones that are really important for brain development, and pictures of babies doing the movements. Would you have guessed that a baby moves backwards before they crawl forwards? Or that, before they can turn over, babies will naturally turn themselves in a circle? Mine would only get about half way around before he got bored and lonely, but he definitely did it! The author spent a lot of time studying baby movement and the book is a compilation of her discoveries. Only problem is that I think you have to order it from the UK.

I was just reading her website and wanted to highlight another important concept that I remind myself of often, "babies or children should not be placed in positions they cannot get themselves into." This goes back to what I was saying about why I don't like the Bumbo. I take less issue with the bumbo when kids use it when they already know how to sit themselves up.

I take time to observe my toddler, too. This is the most difficult when he is at the playground and just learned how to do something new that looks dangerous beyond belief (and is, of course, not actually that dangerous, but since it is a new and imperfect skill, freaks me out at the moment). Like climbing the ladder, or going down the slide head first. But I just watch, and trust that he knows his limits, and trust in the knowledge that he will learn more if he falls than if I make any effort to prevent it.... Can you imagine the tantrum that would ensue if I forbid use of the slide because he didn't go down it "properly", and how that would insult his ego, after being so proud of his own bravery and ability to discover a new way to use the slide? Instead, I will kiss a bump on the cheek and watch him find a way to go down head first *without* landing on his face. I trust he'll figure it out. I just need to remember to breathe while he pushes himself to each new achievement.

-NinaMama