Because I don't give unsolicited advice.

In my effort to spread knowledge without being critical or judgmental, I will strive to write according to these rules, which I received in a parenting class I took recently:

1. I will not analyze or interpret the motives of my readers. (ie "I think the real reason you yelled at your child is because you had a fight with your husband")

2. I will not probe into the privacy of my readers. (ie "If your son is so upset about not seeing enough of his father why can't your husband rearrange his schedule and get home sooner? Couldn't he get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning? What time does he go to bed at night?")

3. I will not evaluate or pass judgment upon my readers. (ie "I don't think you handled that right. You were much too permissive.")

4. Any information learned about my readers or their children will remain confidential (assuming you send it to my private email - if you post a comment to the blog, well, it'll be public for all to see.)

5. I will not give unsolicited advice to my readers. (ie "I think if your son doesn't eat his sandwich for lunch, you should put it in the refrigerator and give it to him again for dinner.")

That last one is going to seem like grey area for the topics that interest me! But you'll notice that I won't ever (er, will try really really hard not to) tell you what you should or should not do. I will explain my concern about something and give my personal experience. If, from that, you choose to make a decision based on the information, that's up to you, but it won't be me telling you that you have to or should do it. See the subtle difference? You're reading this because you're interested in the topic and are seeking out information. I'm not here to tell you how to parent. I'm telling you how *I* parent.


Here's an example of the difference between me giving you unsolicited advice, and me telling my experience.

Unsolicited Advice: "If you want to stay in good company with your fellow parent friends, you should follow these 5 rules, too!"

My Experience: "I have found that when I follow these rules with my parent friends, we get along better and have more meaningful and fulfilling conversations."

Do you see the difference? That comment is totally true, btw. I try to follow these same rules with my husband, who has a different parenting style than me. Things run smoother when I follow the rules.

And if someone asks me for advice, I'll reply with my own experience or childhood memory, or preface my suggestion with "How would you feel about...?" (ie "How would you feel about putting the fixings for a sandwich on the table and letting him make his own?")

-NinaMama